Going natural....AGAIN!!!

Okay...I have been thur this for almost 4 years now and still not able to get the balls up to go natural! I'll go 3-4 mos and end up giving in to the "CREAMY CRACK" as some may call it. I love my hair and it has taken me 2 years to get it to the length that it is today. I can officially say that I have long hair! It's APL! The only thing, I have thick hair but not thick enuf for my liking. I hate when I get a relaxer and my hair be soooo straight! I want full thick long hair. I LOVE BIG HAIR but I also want to be able to comb may hair and it not break off and be limp. I want that type of hair where it looks like a weave but it's just that full and all be mine! As much as I want that beautiful full long Kerry Washington or Garcelle Beauvais type hair; I also want(and need) HEALTHY hair. I understand now what it takes to get that type of hair I dream of. I know what I got to do to get there but AM I WILLING to be patience with myself? I am praying everyday for discipline, patience, a no stress worry less life. Going natural will test my (gangsta) discipline and patience. I am willing to go there in hopes of freeing myself of stress and worry. #ICanDoIt...I hope... #Blessed